Dec. 26th, 2011

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Passed a quiet Christmas Day reading Cricket's Strangest Matches (my gift from the parents), pigging out on assorted nibbles, and watching classic episodes of Only Fools and Horses on Gold followed by a superb Doctor Who special. As a fervent Nine/Jabe shipper, I had to smile at the Doctor's line "I met the Forest of Cheem once, she fancied me"...

Drove up to south-east London today for Fisher's derby at Cray Valley PM. When, as I left Clacket Lane services, BBC Radio Surrey began to break up, I retuned to BBC Radio London and had the wonderful Christmas surprise of hearing Jeni Barnett! I had a major crush on Jeni when she did the horoscopes on TVam in 1984/5. Now here she was filling in for Vanessa Feltz. Still with that same sexy voice. And when she said to a phone caller "I'm looking for another partner, my God's Gift is losing it," my heart raced into overdrive.

Arrived at the ground just before 11.30, by which time Mark, David, Dan and a couple more of the Fish hardcore were already in the clubhouse - a smart set-up with nice white walls, tasteful Christmas decorations and two big screens showing football on Italian satellite TV. A little later when Joe and Jude arrived, Joe observed "Like the hospital lino."

The game was looking like a scrappy 0-0 but we Fish hardcore were in full voice. Just after we treated the home fans to a few chants about their not singing, in the 29th minute Cray Valley scored with a long lob over our keeper's head. Even the goal didn't spark their fans into any retaliatory songs. In any case Jamie Turner equalised with a thunderbolt not long after.

We did have a bit of banter with the odd home fan walking past us, but, alas, none with the attractive young lady in a Fulham rain jacket who passed us on her way to the tea hut just before half time. Ah well, she had a male companion anyway.

After the break, half of us, me included, took up position behind the Cray Valley goal, while the rest declined to join us because of the lack of concrete there and stood at the side of the pitch instead. During a lull in play they started singing at us "You're getting muddy feet". We replied "Fisher hardcore." Our two groups spent most of the second half chanting at each other - the pitchsiders' efforts included "Our shoes are nice and clean". We were all celebrating together on 66 minutes, when a lob from Chan Quan bounced steadily towards the goal and bobbled over the line before the furiously backtracking Cray Valley number 5 could get there.

2-1 was how it remained, the final whistle sending us into "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to see Fisher win away". The others, being London-based, headed back to the clubhouse for celebration pints while I set off on the long drive home.

Called at Clacket Lane again for a bite to eat. Being Boxing Day, the place was unusually quiet; all the eateries and WH Smith were open for business as usual, but I was one of just half a dozen travellers in the place. By the time I returned to my car, darkness had descended.

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The Man Who Loves Laura Bassett

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