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Skittles night was OK, even if I did get dragooned into humping the tables and chairs into the centre of the room and setting up the skittle alley at the start of the evening.

Vanessa, Keith and June arrived quite early on, and Ness and I soon got chatting by the bar. After we'd compared Christmases and plans for New Year's Eve, she asked how long I'd been back from London; I told her three years come February. "It's better here, isn't it?" she grinned, and I concurred that it was nice to be away from my old job and back in town where family and friends are, but added that sometimes I'm a bit short of someone to talk to. She immediately said to give her a call if I wanted to chat, and I keyed her home number into my mobile. During our conversation it emerged that Vanessa was at my secondary school, three years above me, so straight away I asked if she'd known Miss K1. She said the name sounded familiar, but she couldn't picture her, so I said "Tall, blonde, wore a red cardigan, bit of a flirt." Ness remembered her then.

I was in charge of the skittles side of things; despite the odd headache like dealing with the odd person complaining about there being only two balls instead of three, having to move someone from one team to another to even up the sides when it turned out some people hadn't turned up, and then making more changes when two unexpected people turned up, and calling up the person whose turn it was only to be told they were in the loo, it all went smoothly enough. Initially I was re-positioning the skittles after everyone's turn as well as calling people up and recording the score, but Alison and Helen were my angels; after three or four people had gone they volunteered to do the re-stacking. I initially helped them out, but they insisted on doing it on their own. Bless them.

During half-time of the skittles, the buffet was unveiled. I asked my mother whether anyone had commented on the quiz I'd drawn up; she said June Bell had complained it was too hard. She says that every year. I talked to Jade and her parents Dennis and Jill; Jade was pleased as punch with the Ramones tape, though Jill added that if Jade ever played it as loud as she had on Christmas Day again, Jill'd be coming up to Jade's room to tell her to turn it off! Jade said she and Phil hadn't made up their minds what to do for New Year yet, that they might go to a pub but she'd like it to be just the two of them at his flat as it's their first NYE together. I told her I'd just be watching Jools Holland; when I told her Amy Winehouse was on it this year, she became very interested as she likes her.

I had to read the quiz answers as my mother's throat is still sore and her voice wasn't up to it. Jade's team were the winners with 17 out of 20. The answer to one of the questions was Bill Bryson; when I went to Aunt Marian's table to fetch the first person for the second round of skittles, Aunt Marian asked me "What did Bill Bryson do before he wrote his books?" The only one of his pre-fame jobs I could remember was his spell as an orderly in a Bournemouth mental hospital.

My team won the skittles :) Again, I had to do the awards and raffle announcements. We had a prize for lowest individual score, a big tube of Revels. Vanessa and a little lass called Amy had both scored nul points; luckily we had a spare tube of Maltesers. When I called them both up, little Amy trotted up with a smile straight away, but Ness was too embarrassed at first. In the end, cajoled by everyone around her, she loped sheepishly up to the stage. My mother handed Ness the Revels, then I pecked her on the cheek and thanked her for being a sport. A lady called Kath won three prizes on the raffle; the third time one of her numbers was pulled, she said "Put it back," but when it happened for the fourth time she came up and collected a third prize (apart from a surprisingly unpopular home-made Christmas cake, there was only oddments left by then anyway). At the end, I asked for "a round of applause for my lovely assistants Alison and Helen"; they shouted out "And Adam" - a little lad in their family who'd helped them with the racking. My mother had three big cardboard tubes of sweets left, so we gave them all one each.

All Alison and Helen's family helped me put the skittles and balls away and put the barrier boards back up against the wall; my mother decided to leave the tables and chairs where they were, so I was spared any more humping duties. Home to watch the film of Steptoe and Son.

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The Man Who Loves Laura Bassett

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