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The Portchester Ladies Reserves’ cup tie with City Ladies today was switched to, according to the club’s social media, the Farlington Playing Fields. On the outskirts of Portsmouth with one bus an hour. Arrived at the playing fields to see no-one there apart from two men’s teams playing on pitches across the field. Thankfully Bella’s dad and another guy appeared and asked if I knew where the pitch the game was on was. They pointed to a narrow access road to the side of the field and said it was 15 minutes’ walk away at the end of the road. I said I’d look for something to eat then go down there; Bella’s dad said there was a pavilion with food.

I crossed the field - which became absolute quagmire on the far side - and strolled down the road to an entry in a wall with a sign reading “Thirty Two Acres” and logos of Matty’s Burgers, a motorcycle training firm and City Ladies FC. A signboard saying “Matty’s Burgers Open” raised my hopes, only for them to be dashed a minute later when I saw the Matty’s Burgers van obviously closed and deserted. In the pavilion there were hot and cold drinks, but the only edibles were packets of crisps. So a bag of Ready Salted and a 7-Up it was.

Eliza scored an early goal, Lisa followed up with a header. Stacy and Michele, both in defence, were superb. Portchy were on top most of the game and it stayed 2-0.

I knew there’d be nearly an hour to wait when I got back to the bus stop, so had decided to check out the nearby Holiday Inn for food. But as I was walking along the access road Michele pulled up and asked if I wanted a lift. She was going to Cosham so I got her to drop me at the McDonald’s there.

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The Man Who Loves Laura Bassett

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