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Dec. 23rd, 2006 10:00 amLast night was the Mayor of Havant's Charity Ball, held in a very posh holiday centre called Lakeside on Hayling Island. All round the place, posters advertised weekend stays there, complete with a performance by an artiste like Bobby Davro or Tony Christie, for £179 or £239 per person.
We all got a glass of Bucks Fizz each on arrival, then had our photo taken with Richard. As it was the birthday of our host Richard, Pat the County Council chairman produced a big box which, she said, had a surprise gift in it. Over the course of the evening she got all the mayors, chairmen and consorts to sign it.
While me ma was talking to a couple of people she knew, I wandered off to investigate the bar and found several of the other mayors and chairmen all sitting round a table. I went over to say hello and got talking to Charles from the Isle of Wight about Christmas and New Year plans. The fog had really hit him for six; he'd been planning to bring his friend Kirsty, but she works in Canary Wharf and the fog had left her stranded in London, so the poor bloke had to come on his own. He'd been planning to fly to Warsaw for a few days before Christmas to see Agnieszka, but again he'd been scuppered by the fog, so he's now planning to jet out there on the 28th and spend New Year's Eve with her.
Maria was in her customary high spirits, and looking rather fetching in a red dress. It wasn't long before we bumped into Lady Charlotte and her sister, exchanging the usual sibling banter with Richard. We also met Richard's dad, who, when I told him we were from Gosport, said "I'm a naval pensioner, and I want to know why they're taking my Haslar away." I mentioned that to my mother, who said she'd have a chat with him later, but I don't know if they got round to it.
The perils of joining a conversation halfway through : I came upon Richard, Lady Charlotte and their sister talking again a little while later, and sister seemed to be outlining her desirable features - "attractive, brunette, moderate drinker". I turned round and asked her "Are you placing a personal ad?" Sister had hysterics, shook her head with a smile and said no. Meanwhile Lady Charlotte had already started musing on what Richard had going for him. Seems they were just discussing their best qualities. Whoops - still, at least the lady got a laugh out of it.
The dining hall was huge, there must have been over 200 guests. We were next to Robin and Felicity, Deputy Mayor and Mayoress of Portsmouth; the first thing Felicity said to me was "Have you seen what the first prize is in the raffle?" I hadn't. "A mountain bike." She remembered the fun and games we had getting that kid's bike home from Aldershot. When we passed the information on to my mother, she nearly had a fit, but someone explained to her that whoever won the bike wouldn't actually be collecting it tonight, so we'd be spared from trying to load it into the Mayoral car.
The food was faultless - I had melon and strawberry cocktail, topside of roast beef with horseradish sauce, and chocolate truffle ice cream bombe. There was a Christmas cracker and a party popper each; I'd been thinking we'd save them for after dinner, but my mother, who can revert to an excited little girl when there's a party on, insisted on pulling her cracker with me just after starter (I won, and got a game of tiddlywinks) - that opened the floodgates and everyone pulled their crackers. Unusually, the mottoes on these had a trivia question on as well as a joke. Robin pulled his with Felicity and also got tiddlywinks, prompting me ma to suggest he and I could have a challenge match...
After main course, my mother egged me on to crawl up behind Maria, on the next table, and let my party popper off. So I did; Maria whirled round and exclaimed "What are you doing frightening me??" but then she and I had a pleasant chat till dessert was served.
A flunky in a long red jacket announced that the photos were now available to look at and to buy in the foyer. As people filed out there, I was right behind Richard, Lady Charlotte and her sister. Lady Charlotte made some reference to her title, prompting Richard to turn to me and say "Do you know about my sister?" I said yes, she owns a square foot of land in Glencairn. "Don't tell everybody," Lady Charlotte moaned at me. I guess she likes people to think she was born into the aristocracy.
When we got to the photo table, Lady Charlotte announced that she didn't like hers - "I look ginger!" Anxious to re-ingratiate myself with her, I told her her photo looked all right, but she said "It's awful." Maria was also unhappy with hers, but my mother was pleased enough with ours and bought it. When we got back to our table, Felicity looked at the photo in my mother's hand and said "Expensive evening, isn't it?" (We'd all been visited a few minutes earlier by the flunky, selling raffle tickets.)
A band called Central Park came on and played some 60s and 70s pop classics. They had two singers, a man and a woman, and were superb. Lots of the civic guests hit the dancefloor straight away, but my bum remained firmly in my seat for the first five songs. It had been my firm intention to stay there the whole time - as I've explained on here before, I prefer to just sit and enjoy the music rather than dance, especially as I look like a sad Muppet when dancing. From the dancefloor Margaret waved to me to join the group there a couple of times, and I started to sense that I wouldn't be allowed to keep my resistance up all night...
Five songs in, I needed the loo, so headed for the corner where the toilets were only to see that, while the Ladies was open for business, the Gents was blocked off with a little rope-between-metal-posts barrier. Tony was hanging around in that corner; he said to me "I think we're looking for the same place." We eventually headed for the bar out in the reception area. On the way back from the loo I passed by the pool table, where Lady Charlotte and her sister were sitting talking and drinking, while Larry the Lump was taking a shot. When I passed through, Lady Charlotte suddenly stopped talking, and only resumed when I'd gone by. As she'd been talking about a 'he', I felt my ears start to burn.
Back in the hall, as Maria, Margaret and most of the male civic guests were all on the dancefloor - and few of the men looked like much better movers than me - I cast dignity to the winds and joined them boogieing to the 60s pop. When the band went off, we all sat down, and before long a swing band came on. Not really my kind of music, but the female dancers in turquoise blue were a sight to see :) Early in their set, I got a text from Jade meant for someone else, followed by another apologising for sending me the erroneous one. She added that she was at home listening to music, so I replied telling her where I was, and we ended up exchanging texts for the next half-hour.
Meanwhile, early in the swing band's set Lady Charlotte and her sister returned from the reception bar accompanied by Larry the Lump and Duke the Stupe, and remained inseparable from them all night. Through the later songs of the swing band I spotted Lady Charlotte and Larry the Lump dancing together.
As the swing band finished, the MC introduced them, and then their four turquoise-clad girl dancers. The prettiest of them turned out to be Babs, the holiday centre's entertainments manager. Talented lady - she sure shook her booty with the best of them.
Next came a disco. First record on was Under The Moon Of Love - as that's the Havant & Waterlooville fans' anthem, that was me headed straight for the dancefloor! That prompted a flood of mayors and chairmen to join me out there. I sang along right the way through, and when the record ended yelled "UP THE HAWKS!" Cue a long look of either curiosity or disdain from an older couple near me, who then said to me "She's gone home."
"What?"
"The lady you were dancing with earlier."
In fact both Margaret and Maria were still in the room - they just weren't on the dance floor at the time. Shows how much you know, smart alec.
Next was Shang-A-Lang - another one I enthusiastically sang along with, word-perfect. Things got a bit too disco after that, so I and most of the civic guests returned to our seats. Lady Charlotte and Larry the Lump were still out there, though.
Central Park came back on, gave us a short set of 60s and 70s medleys, then it was raffle time. We didn't win any of the 20 prizes, Richard won two. As soon as the last prize was drawn we exchanged goodbyes, handshakes or hugs, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year wishes with all the others, filed outside to the freezing car park and made a dash for the Mayoral car...
We all got a glass of Bucks Fizz each on arrival, then had our photo taken with Richard. As it was the birthday of our host Richard, Pat the County Council chairman produced a big box which, she said, had a surprise gift in it. Over the course of the evening she got all the mayors, chairmen and consorts to sign it.
While me ma was talking to a couple of people she knew, I wandered off to investigate the bar and found several of the other mayors and chairmen all sitting round a table. I went over to say hello and got talking to Charles from the Isle of Wight about Christmas and New Year plans. The fog had really hit him for six; he'd been planning to bring his friend Kirsty, but she works in Canary Wharf and the fog had left her stranded in London, so the poor bloke had to come on his own. He'd been planning to fly to Warsaw for a few days before Christmas to see Agnieszka, but again he'd been scuppered by the fog, so he's now planning to jet out there on the 28th and spend New Year's Eve with her.
Maria was in her customary high spirits, and looking rather fetching in a red dress. It wasn't long before we bumped into Lady Charlotte and her sister, exchanging the usual sibling banter with Richard. We also met Richard's dad, who, when I told him we were from Gosport, said "I'm a naval pensioner, and I want to know why they're taking my Haslar away." I mentioned that to my mother, who said she'd have a chat with him later, but I don't know if they got round to it.
The perils of joining a conversation halfway through : I came upon Richard, Lady Charlotte and their sister talking again a little while later, and sister seemed to be outlining her desirable features - "attractive, brunette, moderate drinker". I turned round and asked her "Are you placing a personal ad?" Sister had hysterics, shook her head with a smile and said no. Meanwhile Lady Charlotte had already started musing on what Richard had going for him. Seems they were just discussing their best qualities. Whoops - still, at least the lady got a laugh out of it.
The dining hall was huge, there must have been over 200 guests. We were next to Robin and Felicity, Deputy Mayor and Mayoress of Portsmouth; the first thing Felicity said to me was "Have you seen what the first prize is in the raffle?" I hadn't. "A mountain bike." She remembered the fun and games we had getting that kid's bike home from Aldershot. When we passed the information on to my mother, she nearly had a fit, but someone explained to her that whoever won the bike wouldn't actually be collecting it tonight, so we'd be spared from trying to load it into the Mayoral car.
The food was faultless - I had melon and strawberry cocktail, topside of roast beef with horseradish sauce, and chocolate truffle ice cream bombe. There was a Christmas cracker and a party popper each; I'd been thinking we'd save them for after dinner, but my mother, who can revert to an excited little girl when there's a party on, insisted on pulling her cracker with me just after starter (I won, and got a game of tiddlywinks) - that opened the floodgates and everyone pulled their crackers. Unusually, the mottoes on these had a trivia question on as well as a joke. Robin pulled his with Felicity and also got tiddlywinks, prompting me ma to suggest he and I could have a challenge match...
After main course, my mother egged me on to crawl up behind Maria, on the next table, and let my party popper off. So I did; Maria whirled round and exclaimed "What are you doing frightening me??" but then she and I had a pleasant chat till dessert was served.
A flunky in a long red jacket announced that the photos were now available to look at and to buy in the foyer. As people filed out there, I was right behind Richard, Lady Charlotte and her sister. Lady Charlotte made some reference to her title, prompting Richard to turn to me and say "Do you know about my sister?" I said yes, she owns a square foot of land in Glencairn. "Don't tell everybody," Lady Charlotte moaned at me. I guess she likes people to think she was born into the aristocracy.
When we got to the photo table, Lady Charlotte announced that she didn't like hers - "I look ginger!" Anxious to re-ingratiate myself with her, I told her her photo looked all right, but she said "It's awful." Maria was also unhappy with hers, but my mother was pleased enough with ours and bought it. When we got back to our table, Felicity looked at the photo in my mother's hand and said "Expensive evening, isn't it?" (We'd all been visited a few minutes earlier by the flunky, selling raffle tickets.)
A band called Central Park came on and played some 60s and 70s pop classics. They had two singers, a man and a woman, and were superb. Lots of the civic guests hit the dancefloor straight away, but my bum remained firmly in my seat for the first five songs. It had been my firm intention to stay there the whole time - as I've explained on here before, I prefer to just sit and enjoy the music rather than dance, especially as I look like a sad Muppet when dancing. From the dancefloor Margaret waved to me to join the group there a couple of times, and I started to sense that I wouldn't be allowed to keep my resistance up all night...
Five songs in, I needed the loo, so headed for the corner where the toilets were only to see that, while the Ladies was open for business, the Gents was blocked off with a little rope-between-metal-posts barrier. Tony was hanging around in that corner; he said to me "I think we're looking for the same place." We eventually headed for the bar out in the reception area. On the way back from the loo I passed by the pool table, where Lady Charlotte and her sister were sitting talking and drinking, while Larry the Lump was taking a shot. When I passed through, Lady Charlotte suddenly stopped talking, and only resumed when I'd gone by. As she'd been talking about a 'he', I felt my ears start to burn.
Back in the hall, as Maria, Margaret and most of the male civic guests were all on the dancefloor - and few of the men looked like much better movers than me - I cast dignity to the winds and joined them boogieing to the 60s pop. When the band went off, we all sat down, and before long a swing band came on. Not really my kind of music, but the female dancers in turquoise blue were a sight to see :) Early in their set, I got a text from Jade meant for someone else, followed by another apologising for sending me the erroneous one. She added that she was at home listening to music, so I replied telling her where I was, and we ended up exchanging texts for the next half-hour.
Meanwhile, early in the swing band's set Lady Charlotte and her sister returned from the reception bar accompanied by Larry the Lump and Duke the Stupe, and remained inseparable from them all night. Through the later songs of the swing band I spotted Lady Charlotte and Larry the Lump dancing together.
As the swing band finished, the MC introduced them, and then their four turquoise-clad girl dancers. The prettiest of them turned out to be Babs, the holiday centre's entertainments manager. Talented lady - she sure shook her booty with the best of them.
Next came a disco. First record on was Under The Moon Of Love - as that's the Havant & Waterlooville fans' anthem, that was me headed straight for the dancefloor! That prompted a flood of mayors and chairmen to join me out there. I sang along right the way through, and when the record ended yelled "UP THE HAWKS!" Cue a long look of either curiosity or disdain from an older couple near me, who then said to me "She's gone home."
"What?"
"The lady you were dancing with earlier."
In fact both Margaret and Maria were still in the room - they just weren't on the dance floor at the time. Shows how much you know, smart alec.
Next was Shang-A-Lang - another one I enthusiastically sang along with, word-perfect. Things got a bit too disco after that, so I and most of the civic guests returned to our seats. Lady Charlotte and Larry the Lump were still out there, though.
Central Park came back on, gave us a short set of 60s and 70s medleys, then it was raffle time. We didn't win any of the 20 prizes, Richard won two. As soon as the last prize was drawn we exchanged goodbyes, handshakes or hugs, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year wishes with all the others, filed outside to the freezing car park and made a dash for the Mayoral car...
