Sep. 7th, 2006

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We went to the village of Abbotts Ann, near Andover, this afternoon for the High Sheriff of Hampshire's Strawberry & Champagne Reception. All the villagers appeared to have been invited, as well as us civic dignitaries. The only time we met the High Sheriff was when she and her husband moved along the queue of people waiting to get in, saying hello to everybody; they seemed rather pleasant. We all got offered the choice of a glass of champagne or a pink fruit punch as we reached the front of the marquee; I went for champagne.

It wasn't long before I met Jim and Maria; it being on their turf, Maria was in her element. Next I met Tony and Margaret from Basingstoke and Fred from Portsmouth. Having said my hellos I rejoined my mother in the marquee, where we had a long chat with a very nice lady called Kate from the local St Michael's Hospice. On all the tables was a selection of strawberries, which you were free to eat; wandering around the tables, I helped myself to one every so often. Waiters and waitresses constantly walked around offering people various nibbles, but you had to be in the right place at the right time to catch them. It took me three attempts to be in the vicinity of someone dispensing goujons of sole (very tasty). Other delights included poached quail's eggs. A couple of other waiters roamed with champagne bottles offering refills to anyone whose glass was less than half full; in all I drank about five glassfuls - and felt fine at the end.

There was a large chocolate fountain, under which we were invited to hold a strawberry on a stick until it was fully coated. I pointed it out to my mother, Maria, and Sue from Winchester, all of whom loved the chocolate. Sue was accompanied by her friend Guy, a French hairdresser, coiffeur to the stars of Coronation Street, who after this reception was going on to a party hosted by Elton John, at which Donatella Versace would also be present...

I got chatting to Tony. He mentioned that he was holding a civic bonfire party on 5 November; as I remembered our diary was clear that day, I promised we'd be there. We reckoned we should try and get Richard along too, so I sought Richard out and asked whether he was doing anything that night. He's having a civic bonfire of his own...

About half an hour later, with the end of the reception imminent, out front Margaret stopped me and asked me to seek out Tony and tell him she needed another drink. I wandered around the whole place, stopped to watch the jugglers juggling clubs around Richard's head, and finally spotted Tony and passed him the message.

At 6 pm the waiters disappeared behind the scenes and the stallholders packed up. My mother sneaked a few strawberries out for Peter, our driver - just as well, as as we drove away he revealed that no food or drink whatsoever had been provided for the drivers. Me ma was disgusted.

Home comfortably in time for Dragons' Den.

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The Man Who Loves Laura Bassett

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