eiffel_71 | You Keep It All In

Last Friday lunch time I went for one of the free health checks being offered at our office by visitors from Lloyds Pharmacy. The tests were for diabetes and blood pressure. An Asian healthcare worker asked me a few lifestyle questions and warned me that I was at 'medium risk' of developing diabetes before I turn 50 unless I began taking a lot more exercise and lost some weight. Then it was time for the inflatable armband for the blood pressure reading. She said I had mild to moderate hypertension, and asked if I was suffering from stress. I said I'd had something on my mind for the last few weeks, and she replied "I know it's not easy, but try and deal with your stress somehow." She initially advised me to see my GP within a fortnight, then after going outside and consulting a colleague she revised this to a week, and sent me away with a warning to take half an hour's exercise a day and improve my eating habits.

It was a brutal wake-up call, but it was true that I did need to adopt a healthier lifestyle. So since then I've been cutting out the junk food and the sweets and naughty snacks between meals, and scaling down breakfast and tea. I'm fortunate in that I like most fresh fruit, so replacing chocolate or cake with a couple of satsumas or a rosy red apple isn't a hardship. I've also been going for brisk half-hour walks each day.

As if that wasn't stressful enough for one day, on Friday evening I went down with stomach pains. I'd been planning to travel to Kent to see Fisher play at Lordswood on Saturday, but just didn't feel up to it so spent the day watching Only Fools and Horses episodes on Gold and Soccer Saturday and listening to Dave Cash.

By Sunday it was clear what the source of my stomach trouble was - constipation. I felt fit enough to go to the Hawk girls' game and write my report, but still a bit uncomfortable. My mother suggested I take the one sachet of Movicol that was in the medicine cupboard; it did do the trick, as did the two Senokot I took on Monday morning.

Considering that we refer to ailments all the time in our line of work, you might have expected my colleagues to receive the news of my illness in a calm, mature manner. Not so with Demelza, Mel and Bev - the mere mention of constipation transformed them into giggling schoolgirls.

The dull ache in my stomach and inactivity of my bowels, though, paled into insignificance that Monday morning when I checked the missed calls on my phone and noticed one dated Saturday from an unfamiliar number. A Google search showed it to have been from the place in Milton Keynes where I'd been for interview.

I phoned them straight away, daring to think that this was a good sign as you don't normally get a phone call if you've been rejected. The lady on the other end confirmed that I'd been successful and said "We look forward to having you work with us."

All my team said 'well done' or 'congratulations'. Demelza and Mel said they were going to miss me but we're glad I'd found a permanent post. I went round to see our bosses Bob and Mark and let them know; they both said well done and good luck. Mel asked if they'd made me an offer to try and keep me on; I explained that their hands are tied by the 'Staffing Strategy' laid down from on high.

That afternoon I got a confirmation email, though no date yet.

So I'm moving to Milton Keynes. I'm overjoyed, and frankly bloody relieved, to have a permanent post at last, and to no longer have the threat of the Shitpool, or of finding myself unemployed and penniless because of turning down the Shitpool, hanging over me. MK is fine with me, it's always looked a pleasant town whenever I've visited, and I'm just glad to be getting out of Chicken Town.

Went to triage at the surgery on Tuesday after work. The doctor latched straight on to my news that Movicol had got a result, but didn't seem at all interested in the Senokot. He prescribed me a ten-day course of 'Laxido Orange', another powder for dissolving in water. On my mentioning the blood pressure, he told me to book in for two blood pressure checks a week apart with the surgery's healthcare support nurse, explaining that you need several readings to go on, not just one. Since then, the stomach pains are pretty much gone though things are still slow moving...

Hawks Ladies played their old foes, Portsmouth Ladies, in the Portsmouth Cup last night. When I broke the news of my impending move to the girls, they were genuinely pleased for me, saying 'well done' and 'congratulations', but several of them added how much they were going to miss me. Awww. Trevor, because he's bloody nuts, actually said "Milton Keynes isn't the end of the earth, you can still come down every Sunday, can't you?" Sorry Trev, I've got my Olympic trip to save for. I mentioned that I'd probably get involved with MK Dons Ladies and he spluttered "Don't you dare."

It looked like it would be another horror show when Portsmouth took the lead in the second minute and made it 2-0 in the nineteenth. The Hawk girls, though, turned on the most magnificent performance I've seen in five years of watching them. Kay pulled one back with a beautiful volley, then on the stroke of half-time the Pompey goalie - who wasn't their first-choice keeper, but played for us last season before leaving under a cloud, so Pompey were fielding her to try and psych us - collided with Vinny in the box. Penalty! Becki drilled the spot-kick home to send the teams in all square.

In the second half our girls defended majestically and soaked up everything Portsmouth threw at them - and at the other end Jenna headed home a corner, then Sally, who'd only just come on as sub, sent over a perfect cross that Chloe just had to tap in. Our defence withstood the late pressure; time added on dragged by, with Suzy and me both saying "C'mon ref, blow your whistle"; and after what seemed an eon, the whistle went. 4-2. After losing all our previous encounters, the girls had beaten the Auld Enemy at last.

I joined the lasses in the clubhouse, but just went for a small Pepsi and left the nibbles table alone. I said "Well played, you were brilliant" to as many of them as I got the chance to talk to. Jenna said to me with a big smile "That one was for you, before you go." Sam, who hadn't been in the squad and had arrived late to watch, asked what she meant so I replied "I'm moving to Milton Keynes."

"You're having a giraffe!" she exclaimed.

As I waited for the ferry on the Hard, the busker was singing Wonderful Tonight. My sentiments exactly about the girls. As if that wasn't perfect enough, he then gave an interesting rendition of Sit Down, my favourite song of all.

To the surgery this evening for first blood pressure check. The nurse was affable and said my reading today was in the normal range. Not that I'm fool enough to take that as my cue to ease off; I know I've got to keep up the exercise and healthier eating to stay there.