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Life Is A Highway
Nov. 9th, 2025 05:05 pmGot a lift to Woking with Dan on Tuesday night for Westfield v AFC Portchester, a new ground tick number 484 (plus a chance to bag the Luis Figo badge on Futbology). Joe and Colin joined us. We had to contend with a lot of traffic just getting out of Portsmouth, because of the firework display on Southsea Common. We talked a lot about Portchester’s team and fortunes on the drive, though as Dan and Colin also follow Portsmouth and Joe also follows Tottenham there was a fair bit of chat about those teams.
Once past the turnstile, the clubhouse was up a flight of stairs. The bar was comfortable, if a little compact, and the bartenders friendly and welcoming. The raffle ticket man was straight on to us as soon as we got to the bar; he was a jovial enough chap and I’m always happy to chip in for a non league club so bought a ticket, though sadly few other Portchy fans appeared to buy one.
Lewis and several more of the usual crew had also made the trip so we gathered behind the goal Portchester were shooting into each half, keeping up our song repertoire the whole game. Lee Wort put us in front early on, sparking a rendition of “Hey baby, ooh! aah! I wanna kno-o-ow if you love Lee Wort”. Westfield equalised just after the quarter hour mark. Late in the half Jack Lee timed his run perfectly to head home a corner, but just before the break Westfield struck again. 2-2. “Same again in the second half,” Justin said - jokingly…
Josh Clack had a shot deflected in ten minutes after the break, then soon after Lee Wort raced onto a through ball to drill home a low shot. 4-2 and Portchester appeared to be cruising, but Westfield attacked relentlessly from then on, and they scored from a goalmouth scramble on 72 minutes. The siege continued, and just into injury time a Westfield cross was diverted in for an own goal. It ended 4-4 and everyone reminded Justin of his words from half time! Before the game most of us would have taken a draw away to Westfield who were second in the table, but some like Dan thought a 4-2 lead shouldn’t have been let slip.
Getting home was a palaver as we were diverted off the A3 due to night roadworks, and the signs seemed to keep sending us back in the direction we’d come from. Eventually Dan found a way to head back towards Portsmouth, but it became clear we weren’t going to make Cosham station in time to make a train to reach Portsmouth Harbour before the last ferry left. Dan dropped me at Fareham rail station and it wasn’t long before a taxi pulled in.
Wednesday evening was the Round The Horne stage show at Fareham Live. Bumped into Brad, who I worked with at ONS, and his friend Lynda in the cafe. He called out to me when I was queueing at the counter. Naturally, as Round The Horne fans I had to greet him “How bona to vada your dolly old eek!” We sat and talked about the classic radio comedy shows. We were all delighted to see from a flyer we’d been given that a stage show of the Two Ronnies’ Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town is due next year. Brad being a The Prisoner nut, we parted to our respective seats with a “Be seeing you!”
The show was an on-stage recreation of a radio production of Round The Horne, with an old style ‘On Air’ sign, five people in chairs playing Kenneth Horne, Douglas Smith, Kenneth Williams, Betty Marsden and Hugh Paddick, and a sound effects man behind a table marked with an old style BBC logo. There were two halves, staged as two episodes, each comprised of material from the original shows. Eve Winters was fantastic as Betty Marsden. Colin Elmer was hilarious as Kenneth Williams. As always my favourites were the Rambling Syd Rumpo songs, The Ballad of the Woggler’s Moulie in the first half and Green Grow My Nadgers O, for which the cast got us all singing along, in the second.
Friday evening was Portsmouth Oktoberfest at the Guildhall. Two guys in lederhosen in the queue noticed with amusement that I’d come in civvies. I quipped that when I saw them dressed up I thought they were part of the oompah band. The bar, despite advertising Paulaner Weißbier Dunkel, didn’t actually have it, so I spent the night on Paulaner Lemon Radlers. Bratwursts from the van very tasty. The Oompah Brass were good playing a selection of well known party tunes. They did several renditions of the Bavarian drinking chant “Ein Prosit der Gemütlichkeit”, and they had a routine where they got us to link arms and ‘lean forward, lean backward, to the left, to the right, stand up, sit down, to the left, to the right,” repeating the routine progressively faster. That one was quite amusing the first time, but it started to pall by the seventh time they launched into it in an hour. Next was singer Darren Poyser, who got a big thumbs up from me for opening with Sit Down by James and included several more classics in his set like American Pie and Summer of ‘69.
Yesterday joined several of the Portchester crew on the train to their match at Littlehampton - new ground 485. We’d just come out of the station when we met Lewis and his pal Alex, a local. Alex tipped us off about a new sports bar, The Bear, so several of us went there for a couple of pints and a chat and Tottenham v Man Utd on the big screen.
In the ground we gathered behind the goal for the first half. We kept up the chants again but the defence were caught napping, allowing Littlehampton two early goals. Just before half time Tommy Scutt fired home a rocket, then soon after Josh Clack pounced in the box to equalise for Portchester.
The tea hut was equipped with several mugs advertising a haulage firm with bases in London, Hemel Hempstead, Reading and Oxford - but none anywhere near Littlehampton. Quite how those mugs ended up at the club I’d love to know. Another of those quirks that make non league football so compelling.
For the second half the Portchester support gathered on a terrace, along a long side at the end nearest the goal we’d be shooting for. The steady flow of songs continued, and one guy kept making an almighty din by banging on the metal wall at the back of the terrace, but Littlehampton scored the only goal of the half to take the points.
My encounter with the Portchy Ladies Reserves girls a fortnight ago reminded me that I hadn’t seen them play since pre-season. And then last Sunday came news that Stacy scored. Then this week Stacy and Roxy sent me an invitation to their wedding reception next summer. So today I moseyed over to the new King George V football complex at Cosham - new ground 486 - to see them play Shanklin. When Roxy arrived I thanked her for the invitation and she said “We look forward to seeing you there”. Stacy warned me that they wouldn’t be on the state of the art new 3Gs but on one of the old grass pitches. And so it proved. Another afternoon on my feet. At least the cafe and loos were a step up from the days playing on the Wicor outside pitch when the stadium facilities were closed.
Stacy, Charley, Lisa, Paula and Co. all glad to see me again. They won 6-2, Eilidh scoring four, three of them lobs over the goalie from set pieces. After the game Charley said this had been predicted to be their toughest league game so everyone was chuffed. As I said goodbye to Stacy she said it would be her last game for a few weeks as she’s going in for an operation. I wished her luck.
Once past the turnstile, the clubhouse was up a flight of stairs. The bar was comfortable, if a little compact, and the bartenders friendly and welcoming. The raffle ticket man was straight on to us as soon as we got to the bar; he was a jovial enough chap and I’m always happy to chip in for a non league club so bought a ticket, though sadly few other Portchy fans appeared to buy one.
Lewis and several more of the usual crew had also made the trip so we gathered behind the goal Portchester were shooting into each half, keeping up our song repertoire the whole game. Lee Wort put us in front early on, sparking a rendition of “Hey baby, ooh! aah! I wanna kno-o-ow if you love Lee Wort”. Westfield equalised just after the quarter hour mark. Late in the half Jack Lee timed his run perfectly to head home a corner, but just before the break Westfield struck again. 2-2. “Same again in the second half,” Justin said - jokingly…
Josh Clack had a shot deflected in ten minutes after the break, then soon after Lee Wort raced onto a through ball to drill home a low shot. 4-2 and Portchester appeared to be cruising, but Westfield attacked relentlessly from then on, and they scored from a goalmouth scramble on 72 minutes. The siege continued, and just into injury time a Westfield cross was diverted in for an own goal. It ended 4-4 and everyone reminded Justin of his words from half time! Before the game most of us would have taken a draw away to Westfield who were second in the table, but some like Dan thought a 4-2 lead shouldn’t have been let slip.
Getting home was a palaver as we were diverted off the A3 due to night roadworks, and the signs seemed to keep sending us back in the direction we’d come from. Eventually Dan found a way to head back towards Portsmouth, but it became clear we weren’t going to make Cosham station in time to make a train to reach Portsmouth Harbour before the last ferry left. Dan dropped me at Fareham rail station and it wasn’t long before a taxi pulled in.
Wednesday evening was the Round The Horne stage show at Fareham Live. Bumped into Brad, who I worked with at ONS, and his friend Lynda in the cafe. He called out to me when I was queueing at the counter. Naturally, as Round The Horne fans I had to greet him “How bona to vada your dolly old eek!” We sat and talked about the classic radio comedy shows. We were all delighted to see from a flyer we’d been given that a stage show of the Two Ronnies’ Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town is due next year. Brad being a The Prisoner nut, we parted to our respective seats with a “Be seeing you!”
The show was an on-stage recreation of a radio production of Round The Horne, with an old style ‘On Air’ sign, five people in chairs playing Kenneth Horne, Douglas Smith, Kenneth Williams, Betty Marsden and Hugh Paddick, and a sound effects man behind a table marked with an old style BBC logo. There were two halves, staged as two episodes, each comprised of material from the original shows. Eve Winters was fantastic as Betty Marsden. Colin Elmer was hilarious as Kenneth Williams. As always my favourites were the Rambling Syd Rumpo songs, The Ballad of the Woggler’s Moulie in the first half and Green Grow My Nadgers O, for which the cast got us all singing along, in the second.
Friday evening was Portsmouth Oktoberfest at the Guildhall. Two guys in lederhosen in the queue noticed with amusement that I’d come in civvies. I quipped that when I saw them dressed up I thought they were part of the oompah band. The bar, despite advertising Paulaner Weißbier Dunkel, didn’t actually have it, so I spent the night on Paulaner Lemon Radlers. Bratwursts from the van very tasty. The Oompah Brass were good playing a selection of well known party tunes. They did several renditions of the Bavarian drinking chant “Ein Prosit der Gemütlichkeit”, and they had a routine where they got us to link arms and ‘lean forward, lean backward, to the left, to the right, stand up, sit down, to the left, to the right,” repeating the routine progressively faster. That one was quite amusing the first time, but it started to pall by the seventh time they launched into it in an hour. Next was singer Darren Poyser, who got a big thumbs up from me for opening with Sit Down by James and included several more classics in his set like American Pie and Summer of ‘69.
Yesterday joined several of the Portchester crew on the train to their match at Littlehampton - new ground 485. We’d just come out of the station when we met Lewis and his pal Alex, a local. Alex tipped us off about a new sports bar, The Bear, so several of us went there for a couple of pints and a chat and Tottenham v Man Utd on the big screen.
In the ground we gathered behind the goal for the first half. We kept up the chants again but the defence were caught napping, allowing Littlehampton two early goals. Just before half time Tommy Scutt fired home a rocket, then soon after Josh Clack pounced in the box to equalise for Portchester.
The tea hut was equipped with several mugs advertising a haulage firm with bases in London, Hemel Hempstead, Reading and Oxford - but none anywhere near Littlehampton. Quite how those mugs ended up at the club I’d love to know. Another of those quirks that make non league football so compelling.
For the second half the Portchester support gathered on a terrace, along a long side at the end nearest the goal we’d be shooting for. The steady flow of songs continued, and one guy kept making an almighty din by banging on the metal wall at the back of the terrace, but Littlehampton scored the only goal of the half to take the points.
My encounter with the Portchy Ladies Reserves girls a fortnight ago reminded me that I hadn’t seen them play since pre-season. And then last Sunday came news that Stacy scored. Then this week Stacy and Roxy sent me an invitation to their wedding reception next summer. So today I moseyed over to the new King George V football complex at Cosham - new ground 486 - to see them play Shanklin. When Roxy arrived I thanked her for the invitation and she said “We look forward to seeing you there”. Stacy warned me that they wouldn’t be on the state of the art new 3Gs but on one of the old grass pitches. And so it proved. Another afternoon on my feet. At least the cafe and loos were a step up from the days playing on the Wicor outside pitch when the stadium facilities were closed.
Stacy, Charley, Lisa, Paula and Co. all glad to see me again. They won 6-2, Eilidh scoring four, three of them lobs over the goalie from set pieces. After the game Charley said this had been predicted to be their toughest league game so everyone was chuffed. As I said goodbye to Stacy she said it would be her last game for a few weeks as she’s going in for an operation. I wished her luck.
