(no subject)

Pay day. A day for heaving a massive sigh of relief, but not a day for indulging myself with treats - I've learned that lesson from past months. Remembering that I'm still overdrawn, just a lot less so than yesterday, and that I need to keep some cash in reserve for Kirsty Day, today I limited my spending to putting my best suit in the dry cleaner's.

This evening brought a double bill of mayoral functions. First stop was Lee-on-the-Solent Golf Club, where we were invited to dinner in celebration of today's annual match between Lee club and the Mayor's Team. Peter, one of the Town Hall staff who captained the Mayor's team, greeted my mother with the good news that they'd won. We were escorted to the Niblick Bar and bought drinks - to my delight, they had London Pride. Dinner was an informal affair, and consisted of large helpings of steak and kidney pie with roast potatoes and veg. Next to me was Peter, then beyond him were two Lee club golfers. It wasn't long before a football discussion started; the two golfers near me were a Portsmouth fan and a West Ham fan, Peter supported Tottenham, and Bob the Lee club captain, on my mother's other side, followed Southampton, so they were soon indulging in some lively banter. They laughed at me for supporting Havant & Waterlooville, but Peter and the Portsmouth fan then commented on how we've made a good start to the season.

Dessert was sultana pudding with custard. It was a shame that we all just got given it with custard and that was that; I'd have appreciated being offered the choice of cream as I don't much care for custard, but I finished it. We ended with coffee and chocolate mints while the two captains made speeches - Peter with a big smile, as it isn't often that the Mayor's team win this match - then Bob presented my mother with the trophy (and a kiss!) Bob didn't want his mint as he's dieting, so I got two. That was only fair after his rude remarks about my football team :)

From there it was on to Alverstoke Parish Centre for their Barn Dance, a lead-up event to their village Michaelmas Fayre tomorrow. We were met by Adrian the fayre organiser and led past the dancefloor to a table in the corner, and offered drinks. There was a bottle of Coke Zero on the table, but that turned out to be not for offer to us but the property of Father Ted. Fortunately Adrian did have a can of Fanta Zero for me. There were peanuts on the table; I helped myself to a few handfuls over the first half-hour. Adrian told us he had a legitimate excuse to get out of joining the dance; he'd had something removed from his leg on Wednesday. I told him I'd be spectating too; when he said I'd need an excuse, I replied that I gave blood yesterday.

That didn't get me off, though. Just after 8.30, half an hour after I'd arrived, a South African girl called Rachel tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to dance. We did OK on our first couple of dances, except that I didn't know how to 'dosey-do' - Rachel said 'Go back to back' but I didn't seem to be getting it quite right. I, and the other couple in our foursome, were left a bit stranded at the start of the third dance, a 'Right and Left Ladies' Change', as Rachel ran off into the reception to talk to two girls out there, but she came back just in time. She explained they were late arrivals and she'd had their tickets. We did OK when the caller had us rehearsing the steps at the start... Unfortunately, he got us rehearsing them in three separate blocks and never took us through the whole thing all in one go. So when we were all dancing round the room I hopelessly failed to remember the whole routine, and all the foursomes Rachel and I were in turned into mêlées of dodgem cars. I felt a total lemon at the end, and apologised to Rachel, saying it wasn't going how I remembered it. She still thanked me and said "Nice meeting you". Thank goodness that was the last dance before the food break. I returned to my table feeling a total lemon.

Someone really should have alerted the organisers to the fact that we'd had a full dinner at the Golf Club. We weren't asked whether we'd like something to eat; Father Ted just planked a full plate of ploughman's and salad in front of each of us, and that was that. Still numb from my failure on the dance floor, and stunned by the realisation I was going to have to eat again, I couldn't get my head round my mother saying "You should be serving." Did she want me to join the three lady volunteers (one of whom was Rachel!) serving food, tea and coffee behind the hatch? If so, why? I asked her what she meant, and she said "They said the men are to serve the women." All the ladies at our table either already had their food or were being given it, so I ignored her.

I gamely managed to finish mine; my mother stopped at half hers. The ladies on our table were nice enough to say they thought I'd been a good dancer. I told them about the fiasco of the last one; Father Ted's wife Liz said that at least I'd looked to them like I'd known what I was doing, and Father Ted said barn dances always turn into dodgem car crash-ups. With all that food (and the nuts) I was now completely stuffed, so relaxed and fell back in my chair. Because most of our table were still eating when I'd finished, Liz exhorted me to help myself to more from the hatch! I told her I was OK. When Liz told the table she wouldn't be participating in the Fayre tomorrow, I replied that I'd also be absent as "I've got something on."

"Is it something exciting?"

"Yes. Well, I hope so," I smiled, and left it at that. I wasn't sure how Adrian or Father Ted would have taken it if they knew I was leaving my mother to attend the Fayre alone because I'd be watching Havant & Waterlooville v Team Bath in the FA Cup. Besides, I quite liked the thought of giving people the impression that I've got a hot date :)

The dance resumed. I sat back with a cup of coffee and watched more human dodgems.