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More angry than the Hulk right now! I've been feeling like crap all evening since hearing I failed the last ECDL module. During a conversation with my mother on the subject, through the course of which I admit I was tetchy but was never taking it out on her, I thought something she said was unhelpful and my brief reply contained a "feckin'" - yes, the Irish colloquialism.
Immediately my father jumped down my throat and shouted, in threatening tones, "That's enough of that!" Without thinking, I hastily said "Sorry, sorry," like I was bullied into doing throughout my formative years until it became automatic. Still I hated it then and I hate it now. God, I wish I'd replied "Oh, shut your fucking dopy cunt mouth."
Not just was it an ego-crushing defeat but it tapped into every single unhealed wound that bastard ever inflicted on me (and there are many). And I strenuously object to being rebuked for my language - and a mild colloquialism at that - by the owner of the foulest mouth in England.
Right now I miss London. I even miss that goddam 66 hour a week nightwatchman's job. At least I had a place of my own, albeit a tiny bedsit. And that's me guaranteed to feel like total crap until, at least, next Tuesday night when I get another try.
Immediately my father jumped down my throat and shouted, in threatening tones, "That's enough of that!" Without thinking, I hastily said "Sorry, sorry," like I was bullied into doing throughout my formative years until it became automatic. Still I hated it then and I hate it now. God, I wish I'd replied "Oh, shut your fucking dopy cunt mouth."
Not just was it an ego-crushing defeat but it tapped into every single unhealed wound that bastard ever inflicted on me (and there are many). And I strenuously object to being rebuked for my language - and a mild colloquialism at that - by the owner of the foulest mouth in England.
Right now I miss London. I even miss that goddam 66 hour a week nightwatchman's job. At least I had a place of my own, albeit a tiny bedsit. And that's me guaranteed to feel like total crap until, at least, next Tuesday night when I get another try.