This morning I mused that today is in that liminal space where I cannot yet eat the cheese we bought for Christmas but there are mince pies on the countertop and I could have one for breakfast.

I did have one for breakfast. (With a slice of regular cheese because mince pies are too sweet for me on their own and taste really good with strong cheese.)

D and I are off to family Christmas celebrations tomorrow, so I signed off work this afternoon for the last time until 2026!

In the three previous years I've had a white collar job, I've never taken this long off, I've always worked a little between Christmas and new year. I kinda like it for catching up on stuff when work is quiet and people leave me alone, and long stretches of unstructured time isn't good for my mental health.

But this time, I'm so ready for this. This year has been so long.

(I know myself well enough to expect that I'll be horrified on the 27th of December when I have a whole week ahead of me with nothing to do. But I can worry about that when I get to it.)

I'm a little sad to be missing queer club's Christmas party this evening, but my carefully planned after-work itinerary fell apart almost as soon as I made it, when my friend L texted and asked if I could come over because he and his husband (also my friend) were having a bad mental health time thanks to the DWP (they are both disabled).

I almost literally dropped everything and left the house, because L isn't the kind of person who gets in touch spontaneously, has the energy for social stuff, or can ask for help easily, so for him to do all these things felt like a big deal to me.

It felt kinda weird to leave in what felt like an emergency and arrive only able to offer hugs and silly, distracting conversation. But I'm assured that it did help. And I'm glad I could do it, I like them so much. It was a good use of my social spoons for the evening.

Almost nothing has happened today, but that gives me a chance to talk about everything else that happened yesterday, hopefully before I forget.

I woke up and actually managed to get the train and tram to lift club. The last couple times I'd tried to make it there on public transport hadn't worked out, so it was nice to be able to make it. Especially because it's the last one of the year! At the end I gave George a hug that he said was so good it changed his life. "I'm a very enthusiastic hugger!" he said. "People aren't usually able to meet my energy!" But I guess I did. I love George, even if he does put me on a pedestal a little bit sometimes.

I got a lift home, with had the usual good chats with my pal D. I went right to Teddy's house to walk him, because our usual evening-walk had been swapped to morning walk this once. So this was not only the day that his human, Graham, was having his knee operation, he was having it as we were walking! I let Teddy lead me around the neighborhood for as long as I could but I had a big list of things to do so had to drag him home eventually. I had a good catch-up with Sylvia -- her sister was there, who is so effusive about how much of a help my household has been, aww -- but did have to scurry home so I could have a shower and be on to the next thing.

The next thing was D and I going most of the way to Liverpool to help a relative of V's who's cleaning out his mum's house. We've done this a few times and it's nearly done now. He'd saved me some apple-shaped dishes that I'd coveted the first time but left there; when I was looking through photos of the year for something parent-suitable I saw the photo of these dishes that I'd sent V in order to squee about them, and I was really sad that I hadn't taken them after all. I didn't expect them to have been put to one side for me but since they were I figured it was a sign and eagerly brought them home. They were greeted when I got here by angelofthenorth who recognized them immediately and has a couple herself. It was nice to feel so validated in that decision!

D and I spent a long time at the recycling center, separating stuff out into the appropriate bins. I was stymied by what to do with all the food: all the half-finished bags and jars that a well-stocked home cook had -- the jars all labeled neatly and everything. It was sad to have to get rid of it all. In the process I cut my finger on a bit of broken glass and had to ask the staff for first aid: one employee shouted to another in the scousest accent I've ever heard: "Alex! This man needs to wash his hands! He's got an injury!" They also gave me a little wound-cleaning wet wipe and a band-aid so it was okay.

I got home and needed a nap because we were going out again that evening. To see Karkasaurus and Petrol Bastard, which was such fun even if there was so much dry ice I could taste it and it felt like I was in beginning-of-horror-movie levels of fog. And like I said D got his Loop earplug stuck in his ear, but V got it out today so that's worked out okay. We ran into a number of people that we know there, from different things -- sign of a good gig -- and might have been led astray for a completely extraneous pint afterwards, by this person and her girlfriend and their Welsh friend. Said person continues to be delightfully tactile around me in a way that usually doesn't get to happen absent some romantic or sexual interest, and it's utterly delightful.

And then we left them to their reckless ways and got an uber home just before midnight which is why I didn't have time to talk about all of this in yesterday's blog post!

I did well to be feeling as okay as I am today; I think the fact that I continue to get insomnia when I'm drunk, which at least means I can drink water while I'm awake, keeps the hangovers from being as bad as I've been led to expect in my forties!

I was so tired after work I had a nap. Didn't notice D texting to say dinner is ready. He came upstairs to see how I was doing...and now is asleep himself.

Mom and Dad told me tonight about two friends of my brother's, and one of them's mom who was the school nurse at the time so knows all of us as well as being the mom of his friend, who she's run into lately who told her they always remember Chris at this time of year.

Two of the three apparently said especially that it was twenty years this year, and my mom was surprised that they remembered that specifically. But I have a couple friends about my age who had schoolfriends die when they were in school or soon after, and they certainly remember the person and how long it's been. We are lucky enough to live in an age when child/young person death is rare enough to stand out.

The school nurse mom even told my mom about how her daughter's kids know about him because the daughter has a Christmas ornament with a photo of my brother on it which my parents had made and handed out to people the Christmas after (I got one too, in my terrible flat in West Didsbury, but I never really wanted it and lost it along the way). The kids know about all the ornaments on their tree so they know this one is for "Mom's friend who died a long time ago." I love that.

On a kinda rough day, before two days in London for work that I'm dreading, this was a nice moment.

Their mom and my brother had been friends since kindergarten, when she was one of the girls who called him Kissyfur after a cartoon of that time, and who he used to entertain by doing stuff like pretending not to notice when the girls put snow in his hat and he put it on anyway so they could all laugh.

She sang at his funeral, which is such a gift to be able to offer a peer, when you're only twenty-one.